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Hi there! Welcome to my blog, a place where I share my life, weddings, and my journey through building a life-giving business. Stay a while and say hello!

I AM SUMMER ALISABETH

The First Look and Your Expectations

Wedding Wednesday

September 11, 2019

You might be like “What are you talking about? What do you mean by expectations?”

You can read about a few reasons to consider a first look on your wedding day in THIS blog post, but that’s not what this Wedding Wednesday post is about!

This post is about diminishing any sort of expectations of how you THINK your fiancé will react when he sees you for the first time OR any sort of expectations of how you WANT your fiancé to react. This is a big deal! Some guys will laugh or giggle hysterically when he sees you for the first time because he’s so overjoyed. Others might cry tears upon tears, even though he is just as overjoyed and happy as the first guy. And still others may not cry at all, maybe they don’t laugh, or gasp, or anything like that; instead, they smile, give you a hug, and tell you how beautiful you look. Each of these reactions come from different types of people, different personalities, and different feelings. They are all different because each person has their own way of showing their happiness, excitement and affection. And no matter how your fiancé reacts, it’s still so beautiful and such a sweet moment, even if it’s not extravagant as some.

With that being said, we, as the bride, need to make sure that we don’t put any sort of pressure or expectation on them leading up to the wedding day that makes them feel like they have to react a specific way. Let them feel how they feel, and let them show it and they naturally want to show it! If you show them photos or a video online of a first look where the groom couldn’t keep his tears in, your groom is probably going to be nervous; most guys don’t cry often! They might feel like they let you down for not showing their excitement just like that. Truth is, they might be afraid that, if they don’t react a certain way, you might think that they aren’t as excited to see you or you don’t look as beautiful as he hoped…because I guarantee you that IS NOT the case! If we make comments leading up to the wedding day about “I hope you cry a little bit!” or “Do you think you’ll laugh or cry or what?”, your groom might be so focused on getting the reaction right that he won’t even be able to enjoy the moment. He won’t be able to be himself, and that’s not what a first look should be like!

When my husband and I talked about what our first look would be like, I never ever mentioned anything about what kind of reaction I wanted or expected. The only thing I ever said was how excited I was to see him. I made sure he knew that that was what mattered most to me. In our relationship, I cry my feelings. When I’m happy, I cry; when I’m sad, I cry. But Lavon almost never cries. Like ever. He would joke all the time about how he probably wouldn’t cry, and I would probably be bawling my eyes out; that’s just the way we express our feelings. BUT when he would joke, I would always let him know that I didn’t care if he cried or not, I didn’t care if he laughed and smiled or not; I was okay with anything, I wanted him to be himself, I wanted him to enjoy the moment, and I was excited to see him.

Fast forward to our first look on our wedding day on July 14, 2018. I was ready to tap his shoulder, and I had a feeling he wouldn’t cry, but I never told him that. I had no expectations and he knew that. Turns out our roles reversed: I could not stop laughing with excitement, and he could not hold his tears in. It was the most beautiful, unexpected moment of our lives so far. I can’t even explain it. Both of us were able to go into our first look without feeling the pressure of reacting a specific way and that’s what made this moment so special for us. We were fully able to be ourselves, and it surprised us for the better!

Here’s a few of my favorite photos by Seneca Epley!

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